by Sarah Chevallier
Identity: Holden Caulfield Age: 19 job: “Jobs” include for phonies whom “care” about phony stuff like “bills” and “food” About Holden: just looking laid-back relationship, because everyone’s a fake except for myself (certainly). Sidebar, I’m certainly not entirely sure “phony” suggests what I imagine it indicates.
Mention: Heathcliff Years: Literally no idea. Profession: Mergers (in my opponents’ family members) and purchases (of the riches and delight). About Heathcliff: used quite a while nurturing that #RevengeBody but also #RevengeWealth, luckily I’m selecting an enjoyable, naive woman to pay off with, if possible an individual who simply happens to be regarding my personal foe, which in addition merely happens to be hitched to simple childhood buddy. You know, for standard, totally definitely not nefarious grounds.
Call: Odysseus years: 38 Occupation: master of Ithaca who’s going to be 100per cent not needing a midlife emergency About Odysseus: I’m related to that wanderlust lifetime: it’s regarding quest, maybe not the getaway, you already know? Particularly if the getaway is full of “responsibilities” like “governance,” “parenthood,” and “marriage to a woman who’s going to be plainly more intelligently than me and just wild while she evades being offered like sexual chattel for 10 years while we doof around fucking haphazard witches and blinding one-eyed leaders.” Enroll with me from the quest, kids.
Label: Edward Rochester Age: 43 Occupation: Affluent widower. Yep, the existing golf ball and chain was useless. Sincere useless. Not just currently during my basement are reserved with a genuine golf ball and chain. About Edward: wanting a younger female that will confuse our brooding looks and condescending misanthropy for terrible torment, and essentially likes employer-employee roleplay. Bonus if she wish kids not plenty of that she’s turned off by how mean extremely to your implemented little girl.
Brand: Victor Frankenstein get older: 34 job: physician, scientist About winner: interested in a person that shows your excitement for its mysteries of lifetime but could getting awake for a relentless hunt to fully capture and destroy my personal outdated friend from our period with the University of Ingolstadt. Sense of venture is a must, because we put for its North Pole a few weeks.
Identity: Jay Gatsby Age: what age would you like us to become lol profession: Influencer, Renaissance Husband About Jay: I’m weirdly like most him or her, but like a wonderfully abundant and mysterious type of him that you will not have dumped with no GODDAMN REASONS to begin with, Daisy.
List: Rodion Raskolnikov years: 21 career: individual, incredible person who on paper it will be totally ok if he or she only slain an old time female, because What i’m saying is, he’s extraordinary, however you learn, simply in theory remember to don’t telephone call which means that policeman whom maintains snooping about. About Rodion: I’m only a better-than-regular chap looking a nearly angelically close girl with a tragic facts who’ll for no great reason dedicate by herself to the redemption and it’s really into following me reciting my own half-baked school of thought 101 “theories.”
Identify: Jake Barnes era: 31 Occupation: Expat, alcoholic About Jake: mega manly. Positively, seriously, not at all impotent. Actually into reef fishing and worrying around intimate and sexual selections of a woman who’s going to be entirely merely somebody ( you realize, definitely not the same who’s capable of making her very own selection, on account of that goddamn ladybrain). First and foremost: certainly not Jewish.
Term: Hamlet get older: 26 career: Future King of Denmark About Hamlet: children is definitely almost everything in my experience. Just as, we won’t 
others until we tear my loved ones, friends, as well as also my personal land apart centered on a discussion I had with my dad’s soul about precisely how it is extremely GROSS that mommy and Uncle C are trying to do they, and then he established it’s entirely normal that I’m very fixated on my mother’s sexual life. The previous gf ended up beingn’t that comprehension, very I’m shopping for someone that will help me found in this difficult time and won’t need a fucking cow every time we thrust them dad and verbally neglect the lady.
