So, first things first – it is A LOT. eharmony advises you to set aside 20 minutes to answer their questions, some of which are expected – “choose the three attributes in a partner most important to you”, “do you smoke”, “what kind of holidays do you like” – some not so much – “what effect does lovesickness have on your appetite”, “what is the ideal temperature for your house?” (I eat more and prefer a cooler temperature, FYI.)
It’s a bit of a slog, but it gives you a pretty interesting personality profile at the end of it. eharmony decided that I view the world through instinct and intellect over feelings, and embrace my “masculine side” in relationships. It also forced me to really question what I’m looking for and if I want a relationship, why – is it because I want a better sex life, financial security or just not to be alone? (Maybe not an activity to carry out after a few wines, unless you want to weep yourself to sleep.)
Once you complete this interrogation, you fill out the traditional profile questions, and then comes the matching. While other apps require a lot of swiping and searching, eharmony’s algorithm does the hard work, and provides you with daily matches, who you can then message or receive messages from. These matches have been whittled down based on all your answers, so while the pool may seem a lot smaller, they’re better matched to you than the masses you have to trawl through elsewhere.
eharmony: The verdict
The reason the real loveseekers stick around on eharmony is because they’ve paid for it. Sign-up is free, but on the free version of eharmony, you can’t exchange more than a message with a match, see their pictures or do… well, anything really. A six-month premium plan on eharmony, without their admittedly frequent offers, is ? a month. That goes down the longer you commit to a membership, but the romantic among us – or those of us that have set up ing service free trials – would hope we wouldn’t spend a full year looking for love for the cheaper price of ?. That’s a pretty big commitment for the casual dater, so you can’t do this half-heartedly.
If you’re willing to splash the cash, then there are plenty of good points. The curated matches mean you won’t get a bombardment of “heys” or unwanted dick pics. It feels less like a wild west of appendages and more like a polite speed dating event with well-meaning people looking for love. From the men I spoke to, nobody was looking for a fling or dirty talk. I was asked about what I wanted in life, whether I had been married, and about my hobbies – in addition to those demanding whether I would commit to being a housewife. .. well, boring.
The bar eharmony sets – aim for “The One” – means that casual flirting (one of my favourite things to do) is off the cards, there’s no chance of a fling with someone you find attractive, and many matches will have no patience if you don’t instantly engage. I respect that – nobody is on eharmony to waste their time – but if like me, you’re not racing to the altar, it can feel a bit much.
It’s a refreshing change from other dating apps in some ways, but also, a bit more
This meant that I didn’t get an IRL date from the eharmony website. I had some nice conversations, and one brief, painfully awkward video chat that reminded me that chemistry in text is not always transferable to real life. But what it did do for me is establish that I’m not ready to give up the fun side of dating – the flings, the flirting, and fitness singles the hopes of running into a dream partner in the queue for a pint.
